by Felicia Hodges
You've dreamed about having a child for what seems like your whole life - or maybe your pregnancy comes as a complete surprise to you and your partner. Either way, there's a nurse to furnish, baby stuff to buy and people to tell the good news to - including your boss. How do you juggle all the new things in your life with the old?
Whether you stay away six weeks or six months, there are things you can do to help prepare yourself for the return now including:
Planning to Start Gradually - Ideally, it might be better for mom, baby and boss if you can arrange to phase in your come back instead of jumping full-force into your old routine. Would your employer be agreeable to you coming in for two days a week for a while, then three or allowing you to work from home for part of the day? It doesn't hurt to ask.
Adjusting Your Expectations - You might still be glowing with excitement about the incredibly beautiful bundle of joy you left at the day care center, but don't worry too much if your co-workers and boss aren't.
"[Co-workers] will often not ask about your child,” says Dr. Susan Ginsberg, Ed.D, a work life expert who edits and publishes the Work and Family Life Newsletter to help people balance their career and home responsibilities. “You show them a picture and often that is the end of it. It’s hard, but try not to dwell on it.”
Feeling Comfortable About Going Back - Although research has consistently shown that kids are not adversely effected by working moms, it has also shown that both moms and babies can have adjustment difficulties when mom is ambivalent about returning to her job. It is important to feel good about whatever you choose to do, which can be hard if you have an unsupportive partner or a parent/in-law constantly reminding you of how things were done back in the day. Stick to your guns.
Dumping the Worry - Many new moms worry about breaking the bond with baby if someone else provides the daytime care. But babies can develop relationships - even close ones - with more than one person at a time. Rest assured, your child will still know who you are at the end of the day.
Developing a Support System - Peer support is important for new moms. Build a support system by remaining in touch with people from your Lamaze class or joining a group just for new moms. Many parenting web sites also have new mom chat rooms.
If You Change Your Mind
Even if you have every intention of returning to your job after your baby is born, you may change your mind and decide that you don’t want to miss the day-to-day adventures being with your little one during the day will bring.
If you told your employer that you would be returning to your duties within a few months and you don’t think you will be able to leave Junior’s side, James Walsh, author of Mastering Diversity: Managing for Success Under ADA and Other Anti-Discrimination Laws and other books on business and management says it is important to let your boss know as soon as you possibly can.
“If you decide not to return, business rules of etiquette still apply,” he adds. “It is incumbent on you to give as much notice as possible.”
It may difficult to broach the subject, but, if you decide to return to your career in a few months or years, and you will need the references and contacts you established via your position to help you find your next job. Burning bridges would not be the best thing to do.
Ginsberg suggests you talk to the Human Resources department at your company again to give you some insight on how to handle the situation.
“They’ve handled it before, for sure. You won’t be the first person to turn a temporary leave of absence into a permanent one and you won’t be the last,” she says.
She also says that many women might find their employers willing to negotiate with them, offering part-time work or asking them to continue working a few days a week until they can find someone to fill the position. “But again, don’t commit to more than you think you will be able to handle,” she adds.
Realize, however, that the exit may unfortunately have some impact on your career. According to Walsh, a survey conducted by The Conference Board (a New York-based business research group) showed that 64 of 100 managers and consultants said that women who take a temporary leave have “some” or “substantial” reason to be concerned about career advancement.
“The question ultimately is what kind of impact having a baby will have on your career,” Walsh says. “The reality is that having a baby could have an undesired impact on your career and all the law in the world can’t prevent that from happening. A lot of women career women often have difficulty accepting that.”
Only you will know what will work best for you. Knowing a bit of what to expect about your leave can help better prepare both you and your employer for the new arrival.
Felicia Hodges is the editor of Tri-County Woman Magazine. This article originally appeared in the March/April 2018 Issue.
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