by Tri-County Woman Staff
Spare time is sort of like spare change - most people tend to use whatever extra there is the moment it becomes available. And if you or your mate have hectic schedules, it often gets squeezed in somewhere between the morning rush to get everyone out of the door and the scramble to get to bed at night.
Your partner may only catch glimpses of you while you are hovering over the bathroom sink brushing your teeth or deep in slumber. Sure, quality is more important than quantity, but how does a busy woman find any time to be with her partner with all that goes on during the course of a day?
Make It a Priority
Most relationship experts would agree that the relationship between you and your significant other needs just as much nurturing as a career. The trouble is that we generally forget to pencil that nurturing in on our “to-do” lists.
“We all have intimacy needs,” says sex educator Deb Levine, a relationship counselor with www.ThriveOnLine.com. “Just like you feed [you pets], you have to feed your emotional needs as well.” Part of the natural refueling process involves connecting with a spouse or partner. If you can find time to chat on your cell phone with a buddy you see once in a blue moon, you can find time to hang out with your honey as well.
Use What You Got
Life does not often lend itself to long stretches of couple time. The time you do actually have to spend together might only come in snatches, so prepare to make the most of it.
If your primary contact with your mate during the week is via telephone, Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., licensed psychotherapist and author of the book The Unoffical Guide to Dating suggests you spice it up a bit once the “business” end of the conversation is done.
“Use the little nicknames you have for each other,” she adds. “Or tell him how good he was the night before.”
Or, if your youngster’s soccer games eats up every Wednesday evening from now until the end of the season, stop on the way to the field and get a favorite take out for an impromptu picnic on the grass with your bae.
Plan Your Spontaneity
Synchronize your calendars and get a little bit of uninterrupted playtime while the kids are away or asleep. Since you and your mate probably start and end your day in the same place around the same time, plan to connect by setting your alarm clocks to get up a little earlier or planning to turn in a little later than usual.
“It doesn’t mean you have to have sex during this time. You can use it to acknowledge your partner while your partner acknowledges you.” Levine says. It could be as little as 10 minutes, but you can use it to say what you love about each other. “This way you can work it into your day without being too overwhelming,” she adds.
Make a Date
“Remember that you loved stealing time for your relationship when you were a teen. It is important to re-explore that,” Tessina says. You can do that by hiring a sitter or taking the kids to grandma’s at least once or twice a month. Use the time to go out dancing, visit a favorite restaurant, stay home and rent a movie or even replicate a date you shared early in your relationship. The important thing is to plan to do something you enjoy and do it.
“But if Date Night means ‘We hafta...,’ then it’s going to become a chore,” Tessina warns.
Let Him Know He’s On Your Mind
Even when you can’t be together, you can still stay in touch and let your partner know they are on your mind. Leave “I Love You” post-it notes on the underside of the toilet seat or write something special in the bathroom mirror after a shower. You can also leave “thinking of you” messages on a voice or e-mail. Although Tessina cautions that these are not substitutions for actually spending time together, it can help keep the connection until you can be.
“It’s amazing how those little things make you feel close,” she says.
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